From Old To New - How God Rebranded My Faith

At some point in my life, I wished I could hit God. I was so mad at Him because of what was happening in my life that time.

I was angry that He didn't show up in my life the time I needed Him to.

I thought He was silent way too long in answering my prayers; making promises and not keeping them.

I never saw one thing He said about my life coming to pass, and He was delaying coming to save me.

At some point, I lost it and wanted to hit Him.

I told Him that I wanted to hit Him so badly and I even wanted to say I hated Him, but I stopped myself.

Then I thought of Jacob in the Bible fighting with an Angel of God (or was he fighting with God? I can't tell), and I said to myself, “Jacob was fortunate to have a fight with God, if I had such an opportunity, I would grab Him with both hands.”

I have been angry at God before but not like this, I didn't know what came over me.

When I was talking with Him in my angry mood, He understood that what I was saying came out of anger. He let me be angry at Him and let me take it all out on Him.

He even apologised, but that only made me more upset. I could feel Yeshua going down in front of me and holding my hands, but that only made me more furious.

I kept on shouting at Him out of anger, I didn't want Him holding my hands and pretending to care. I felt Him hugging me but I didn't like it, I became SO ANGRY at Him.

I can't recall how many days passed, but after that big fight with Him, he gave me what I asked for.

I thought He was going to make me wait even more, especially because I said bad things to Him.

I asked God to give me a dream about what He promised to me, so that I could see I am not crazy. I wanted to see that I am not the one who made all these things up. I needed to see that it was really God and not me.

I didn't think He would answer me that quickly. I was really surprised, I didn't expect it and I was thankful.

I don't know why things had to get to that point—where I was so angry at God and even close to hating Him.

I even had bad thoughts about my life. I wanted to leave Christianity and do something that would help me survive.

I was ready to give myself to any kind of life that could help me to get what I wanted... because He wasn't doing anything for me.

I've been praying a lot, having faith but I felt like He was making a fool of me.

I was so angry, so close to losing myself. So close to losing my life and becoming something else.

I was ready to destroy my life and it was just a matter of time. I was a ticking time bomb and He knew that at that point, I was very serious about giving up on God.

I even told Him that if He allowed me go do this, that would mean He doesn't value my relationship with Him.

I gave Him years of my life, if that meant nothing to Him, then it was better to leave Him and never look back.

Funny enough, after this event, I thought I would never be angry at God again—especially because He gave me the confirmation I needed from Him.

Then one night, it happened again — I told Him, "You are such a mean God. I've always wanted You to be my Father, and not just my God. But You choose to be my mean God who only cares about His Holy Name instead of being my Father. As my Father, am I not more important than Your Name? You are busy playing God instead of being my Father. I want a Father who will fix things for me right now, not a God who will make me wait for some more time."

To be honest, I am always ashamed of myself whenever I remember this. I can't believe the things I said to God. I couldn't explain the vile anger I had towards God. This was the second time this was happening, and it was apparently getting out of hand.

I became angry at God AGAIN! I simply just couldn't believe it.

I gave God a timeframe concerning when I wanted all the things I've been asking for. Imagine that?

For me, I thought time was running late. I was so angry because there was a big possibility that He might not do what I asked Him.

After these episodes, I reached a point where my faith in God was not like before. It was broken. I couldn't help but disliked God and be angry at Him.

I really tried to fix my faith but it didn't get back to where it was before.

One morning I woke up and decided, "I will never doubt God again."

I felt that my faith in God was brand new. I too felt brand new. I then realised that God broke and removed the old faith on purpose, to give me new and much better faith.

Since that day, my faith was so strong that I decided on my own that I would never leave God or think of leaving Him.

When I took that decision, I was not hoping to never leave God, but I KNEW that I would REALLY NEVER leave Him no matter what.

Something really has changed inside of me and I will never be the same again.

My faith is stronger and better now than before.

Glory to our Lord Jesus Christ!